Subject: Peter Pen's Adventures or Galina KGB 
Date   : 03 Apr 2002 02:37 GMT
From   : Arthur Lutsker [selena] (selenaart@yahoo.com)
To     : All

Эта история была написана несколько лет тому назад во время прохождения
транзитного Урана по моей Венере (которая соединяется в радиксе с Меркурием). Я
тогда учился на курсах английского языка и сидел между двумя Галинами. Наш
преподаватель различал их по инициалам. Одна была Galina К., другая Galina B.
Galina G. родилась под влиянием Урана и на самом деле существовала только в моем
воображении. Так получилась история про Галину KGB. 
Sorry folks but this is in English (к сожалению непереводимая игра слов не
позволяет мне обубликовать это на русском. Да это и не нужно. Я сохранил
оригинальные текст и даже старые ошибки).

Peter Pen's Adventures or Galina KGB



I hope you saw the cartoon about Peter Pan, Wendy, Tinker Bell, Pirate Hook,
Tiger Lily and others. Or maybe you read the book at least. In my story all
personages have already grown up. I changed the plot wholly, but I saved the
names of the main characters. Let me introduce you to the main characters:

Captain Hook: He works at KGB. He is very dangerous. He has a hook instead of
his left hand. He is afraid of crocodiles. He is also afraid of a shark ... of
capitalism.

Smee: He is captain Hook's assistant. He is a booby.

Peter Pen: That's me. He has a wife and seven children. Six of them are
illegitimate .

Wendy: She is a pretty lady. She already has a husband and seven kids. Her
husband is a little bit touched. She has already been beaten by his husband
twice. She dreams of Neverland where she has never been yet.

Tinker Bell
She is a pixie. She is still a maiden. She works as a fortune teller. She is
rather pretty, but very jealous.

Bearded Man: He is the most famous English teacher in Neverland. He has a beard
and a moustache. He is very experienced... He bought his experience on Brighton
Beach

Tiger Lily: She is his favorite student. She is very polite. She has good
attendance.

All this has happened before and it will all happen again. But this time it
happened in Bloomsbery, a small town where I lived earlier. When I return in my
mind to these events I still asked myself if it really must have happened to me,
as Tinker Bell said, and if I really should have done it or I should not and
what prompted me to do it. By the way there might not have been this story at
all, if I had not met Wendy. She was not exactly the type that drove you mad
with desire. No, she was pretty, certainly, and all - I am not saying that - but
to tell the truth, at first sight I did not like her at all.
The main events began at my birthday party. I can not even remember know what
kinds of banal jokes I told her that day. But she smiled and laughed aloud all
the time when I said something funny. She was a bit tipsy. All evening she was
making eyes at me. She was absolutely liberated. I could not understand why, but
I liked her behaviour.
After the dinner I invited her for a dance. I felt the pressure of her breasts
against my chest. Suddenly for myself I pressed her closer to my heart. She did
not resist. I could feel how she was fluttering with joy. I did not drink
alcohol that day, may be only a little bit, but I was drunk with the fragrance
of her sweet perfumes, with the delicate odor of her body, with the scent of her
shampoo, she used to wash her hair. I liked these smells. Some supernatural
force drew our bodies together and all of a sudden I realized that we were in
love with each other. 
The next day when I woke up in the morning I realized that I was thinking about
Wendy. How is she? What is she doing now? May be she is still asleep? Suddenly
my telephone began to ring. I took a receiver, but nobody answered. I thought
that it might have been her. I mean Wendy. Maybe her husband beat her again and
she needed help. He was really angry yesterday night , when he noticed how close
to each other we were dancing. He was green with jealousy. But he said nothing
to me. 
I dialed Tinker Bell_s telephone number. 
- Hi, Tink. 
- Hi, Pet. 
- Tinker Bell! You are a fortune teller. Could you tell me something? 
- What do you want to know, Peter? 
- I will imagine one person and you will tell me if it really was her, who
called me some minutes ago. 
- Let me see in my crystal ball. I guess it might have been her. Wait a minute,
please. Let me concentrate. I think it must have been her. Yes, now I can see it
clear. It was her, Peter. 
- What do I have  to do now? 
- Do you like her? 
- I love her. 
- I think you should listen to your heart. 
- What do you mean? 
- I mean you should ask her for a date. 
- I can't! I am married. Sure I had a lot of girlfriends before and I even have
6 illegitimate children. But after the time I got married I settled down. 
- It seems to me, Peter, you are just scared. 
- I am not scared. But to tell the truth may be I am a little bit afraid. 
Tinker Bell started to laugh. 
- What the difference, Peter? If you really going to go to Neverland you ought
to know: there is no difference between scared and afraid. Nevertheless as soon
as you arrive to Neverland you will forget my words and you will always ask your
teacher about the difference between these two words. 
- Why do I have to forget it? 
- Because you will loose a part of your memory. 
- But why should I? 
- Because all people from Neverland lost something. Lost people live there,
Peter. Some of them lost their relatives, some of them lost their friends, some
of them lost their favorite jobs and some of them lost their conscience. 
- Tinker Bell! May I come to your house and you will tell me all that you know
about Neverland. You should tell me, because I have to know. 
- Sure you can. But you had better ask Peter Pan about it. 
- How can I ask myself? 
- I did not mean you. I mean Peter Pan. He has the same name as you, but his
last name is different. It spells like P-A-N and your last name spells like
P-E-N. That is because you are writer and even this tale you are writing using
your pen. And Peter Pan is from another tale. But you can not meet him, because
you had already grown up. So you should go to my house and I will tell you
everything you want to know.

(In the Tinker Bell's apartment some minutes later) 

Tinker Bell: Hi, Peter! Could you tell me why you want to go to Neverland? Do
you really want to leave our beautiful town? And do you want to leave me alone? 
Peter Pen: Really I don't. But I must. You know that my wife won a Green card
which gives us the rights to go to Neverland. 
Tinker Bell: But it does not mean that you must. It only means that you can.
Think, Peter! Whatever can you want to emigrate for? 
Peter Pen: But we have already paid too much money for the visa. So now we must
go there. 
Tinker Bell: O, Peter, go, if you must! But you should be very careful on the
customs. Captain Hook, who works for KGB may stop you. But you can fly over. All
that you need is just a little bit of pixie dust. You should think of the
happiest things. It is the same as having wings. 
Peter Pen: How else I can use pixie dust? 
Tinker Bell: When you have pixie dust you can do all that you want. You should
only think about it. But you ought to remember that pixie dust loose it's magic
characteristics after midnight. And now you can take it from my wings. 
Peter Pen: Thank you, Tink. 
Tinker Bell: My pleasure. .

(in KGB at the same moment)

Captain Hook: Blast that Peter Pen. We must stop him on the customs.
Smee: Do you know that Tinker Bell gave him pixie dust and now he can fly over
the customs?
Captain Hook: So we should find him in Neverland. If I could only know where he
will be living there. May be on Brighton Beach? No, his English is not so bad.
How about Flatbush Ave? No, no that is black territory. But wait. I  got it. Our
three Galinas, Smee.
Smee: Three Galinas?
Captain Hook: Yes, Smee. We will send there Galina K, Galina G and Galina B.
Galina KGB, how do you like that, Smee?
Smee: I know only two Galinas, captian. Who is Galina G?
Captain Hook: Galina G is our super agent. She is an invisible woman. So, our
Peter will sit among three our agents. We will call them Galina KGB.
Smee: Don't you want go there yourself?
Captain Hook: You should know that I am afraid of the shark ... of capitalism.
That cursed beast liked the taste of me so well, he is followed me ever since,
licking his chops for the rest of me.
Smee: But after the time he swallowed that alarm clock he warns you with his
tic-toc, tic-toc.
Captain Hook: Smee, Smee! Oh, save me, Smee! Please, do not let them get me! I
see dozen of crocodiles, do not let them get me!
Smee: Oh, poor captain. You should not drink so much vodka! It must be
hallucination. There are no crocodiles in Moscow and Bloomsberry. You should
take a rest captain. 

Chapter 2


(at Hope Institute)

Bearded Man: How!
Students: How!
Bearded Man: How can you use the past participle? How can you use modal verbs?
Students: How?
New Students (whispering on Old Student's ear): What's Bearded Man doing?
Old Student: He is delivering an oration in the English language.
New Students: What is he saying now?
Old Student: He said that he very glad to see the new students.
New Student.: Well, he certainly does not look very glad.
Bearded Man: Today is the 7th of July. For many moons Bearded Man fights with
Russian students. Sometimes you win, sometimes I win.
New Student: OK. Today is the first day of our class and we are not prepared.
You win this time. But now it is already 5:30, so turn us loose [= let us go].
Students (altogether): Turn us loose, turn us loose.
Bearded Man: This time I can not turn you loose.
Old Student: The Bearded Man is kidding. He is a great spoofer.
Bearded Man: I am not spoofing them. Where did you hide Tiger Lily?
New Students: We do not have got Tiger Lily.
Galina K, G, B (altogether): Honestly we don't know.
Bearded Man: We can not find Tiger Lily right now because of the blackout in
Manhattan. We don't have electricity and we even don't have an electric torch.
So we have to wait for a full moon. When will there be a full moon, Old Student?
Old Student: I don't know.
Bearded Man:  You will stay in my class for next 5 semesters until you learn
Jewish Loonar Calendar. Tiger Lily is my favorite student and I miss her very
much. But when will there be a full moon? We need somebody who knows
astrology...


(one day earlier in Bloomsberry)


This time Peter Pen (that's me), who knew astrology very well still hadn't
arrived to Neverland. I was busy trying to find the flimsiest pretext for
calling Wendy. And I found it. I dialed her telephone number.
- Hi, Wendy.
- Hi, Peter. How are you?
- Thanks. I'm fine. I want to tell you something about your horoscope. Can you
come to my house?
- Agreed, Peter. But you have to look at my horoscope very carefully. I want to
know when I will be able to go to Neverland.
In the evening she came to my house.
- So, Peter. What did you see in my horoscope? To tell the truth, Peter, I envy
you, because you will be in Neverland so soon. 
According to her horoscope she did not have possibility to emigrate. But I
didn't want to disappoint her because I knew that she had been dreaming of
Neverland since her childhood. And I said: You will go there after me. But, if
you want, let's go there together. She smiled and said:
- Do not be crazy. Let me go home.
- Ok. May I escort you to your home?
- Ok. But only to the corner. You know that my husband is cranky.
I put my arm around her shoulders and we went together. Suddenly I found a pixie
dust in my pocket. And I remembered Tinker Bell' s words:
When you have pixie dust you can do all that you want. You should only think
about it. And I thought: I wish to kiss Wendy. 
It was a full moon and the FULL moon is really a FOOL moon. She stooped suddenly
and said: "Give me a kiss". I hugged her tight and kissed her lips. I kissed her
again and again, but suddenly a clock struck twelve and I stopped, because I
remembered how Tinker Bell said: "But you ought to know that pixie dust loose
it's magic characteristics after midnight". But at the same moment Wendy said:
"Oh, Peter, I love you so much. Please, kiss me one more time". Sure, I
remembered Tinker Bell' s words, but what I had to do? She asked me so
plaintively and so caressingly. I kissed her again. Suddenly she shook her head
as though just waking up. "What are you doing, Peter? What was this?" - she
asked me as though she didn't remember anything. "It was ...a kiss" - I
answered. "What? Why did you do this?" - she looked at me surprised. "Because
you asked me" - I said. "What? Are you crazy? You should not have done it. And
never do it again. And now go home. It is too late. Your wife must be waiting
for you.
"But I love you" - I said in despair. "Oh, Peter, come on, please. You had
better go home". And she ran away and left me only a whisper of her sweet
perfumes. I remembered what Tinker Bell said me once upon a time: "Never use
magic to control human feelings. It is very dangerous and you can loose
everything if you  try to control people!" 
When I returned home I noticed a note on the door. There was written by my wife:
"I know everything about you and Wendy. Our neighbor Ms. Spigo saw with her one
opened eye how you kissed Wendy. Ms. Spigo called me up and told me everything
about everybody. Ms. Spigo also offered me another husband. He is from Neverland
and she said that he can see with his right eye and even can hear with his left
ear. So I go to Neverland without you. I am sick and tired of being a wife of
such womanizer as you are. I sold our house and I will be in Neverland very
soon. Your former wife - Susan." 
My heart started to bound furiously. What have I done? I was homeless, without
money, without family and without visa to Neverland. In a one moment I lost
everything. I lost my wife, I lost my house, I lost my visa and I also lost
Wendy, because I stained our pure love with magic. I was lost. The only thing
that I had was a pixie dust in my left pocket. So what should I have done? And
what I really did? If you want to know I will tell you, but ... in the next
chapter.
                                                   (to be continued)